Friday, April 6, 2012

Beauty searched for and held tight.

The reply was sent in a hurry, not much thought put to the words. A quick text before children are tidied and car is packed.  The phone tingles in reply, a dear friend on the other end, probably puzzled by my response.

The realisation hits hard - I wrote those words. Words which have no place in my heart, words which have the ability to hurt rather than encourage. They came out of a frustrated moment, a frazzled brain, a body with too little sleep and a heart that was heavy.

I almost missed it this morning. The frustration almost clouding my view. It was a small crack to peer through but growing larger with each viewing.

There was beauty in my day. Beauty waiting to be noticed, appreciated and held close.

Those bright blue eyes, looking high. Baby eyes desperate for some Mummy love.
The big one patiently helping the younger wrestle feet into shoes.
The cup of tea delivered with a smile and hug.
The skippity-hop of my big one delighted with his new Mummy-made outfit.
The sunshine pouring from the heavens, flooding the world with Autumnal delight.

Encouragement given to my dear friend  lifts my spirits slightly.

I realise there are two ways for this day to go - down or up. I choose the latter. Deliberately placing one foot in front the other, with a lightness to my step. A smile drawn large and a heart which soon follows it's lead.

Today was a commitment. A commitment made all those weeks ago, now a chance to do my best, despite the hurts. An opportunity to serve and love.

The car burdened low with instruments and gifts, song sheets and cookies. Music playing as I drive, which brings me low. There must be beauty in giving, serving, loving - I have an opportunity to discover it today with an open heart. I must remain watchful, peering through the ever growing crack in the heaviness surrounding.

"Thank you," she says, "Thank you for sharing your baby. I was married once, but never had children. You sang Easter songs and poems but best of all you gave me a cuddle."
 The words cut deep. A beautiful heart within a withered, age-worn body.

"People don't bring children here much. It's such a shame. Thank you for sharing your baby with me, I never had the chance to cuddle my own."

All my frustrations wash away. Reaching out in love, the endless giving of time and effort. Serving others with grace. It spread joy, love and life. And it showed me beauty.

There was beauty in my day today. Beauty searched for and held tight.

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